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โ€œ๐˜š๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ๐˜ข๐˜บ, ๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ถ๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ง๐˜ถ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ถ๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ง๐˜ญ๐˜บ, ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜บ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณโ€

All my OG supervisors at work got new jobs… and Iโ€™m used to hanging up front with the new supervisor, one of the only girls that works with me. We would talk about girl things a lot and reality TV. It was fun to have a girl to talk to and shoot the shit with, she used to love it also.

Now that she is a supervisor, sheโ€™s on some extreme power trip. Like looking over my shoulder showing me stuff that I already know. Blaming me for things that she told me I should do the night before. Denying that she ever said that. Sending slacks that make no sense, weekly beta that makes no sense.

Both of my old supervisors were totally different. There was one that everyone hated because he was so intense and uptight. Most guys, just say he was a douche bag. (quote from tonight) He was only nice to girls. So not bad with me..yet he was so intense either way that he still made me anxious.

My other supervisor, Brian, who hired me… was the sweetest dude. He used to go through things with me so gently, informatively, clearly, acknowledged my questions and things I said very nicely. It was never aggressive, or condescending.. it always felt very helpful. Very patient with me, definitely understanding, quiet most of the time. I just miss him a lot already.

None of this shit this girl is doing is clear. I tried to tell her that nicely. Sheโ€™s determined that it is very clear though. (I know more than just me who would agree with that)

Sheโ€™s actually committed to thinking it is. I was so fed up with her I finally got a little bit rude. I wish I never opened up to her because now itโ€™s like she knows too much about me and sheโ€™s my fucking supervisor. It just kind of blows.

Highly frustrating. Power trips gross me out, and they make me view you as a totally different person.

I see you now. Not cute.

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It will set you free

Thatโ€™s one thing Iโ€™m actually good at. Iโ€™m not good at many things.

Iโ€™m a music junkie. I have been my entire life.

It sounds so clichรฉ and annoying. It pisses me off even to say it, but music did save my life and continues to everyday, probably.

Iโ€™ll always remember myself in middle school. Those were terrible years of my life…it kinda set my youth up for failure. Derp.

I didnโ€™t really trust many people at that point in my life. Probably two. My best friend at the time, and my ex-boyfriend.

I started to form insomnia and really bad anxiety, and I would stay up really late at night on my computer. I would sit on the computer for hours and hours exploring random music and finding new stuff to fulfill me.

I would make old-school mix CDs

(I kinda feel bad for the kids these days who canโ€™t experience that)

All the music my friends, siblings/cousins listened to, was introduced by me. I donโ€™t know why people make that sound like a snobby thing though….Itโ€™s one of the only things Iโ€™m good at, canโ€™t we just like consider it a sport?

The real point is though, it spoke to me. Always has. In ways humans couldnโ€™t at that point especially. When I need it itโ€™s always there. It

made me feel… understood. It was like a friend.

(it does run in my genetics. But the way I love music is unexplainable. I couldnโ€™t get to the point of it. Iโ€™ve been a walking jukebox my whole life)

Everyone listen to music. It makes the world go round. And maybe it could save your life if you give it a chance

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Just the thought

For days now I keep meaning to go through and cleanup the photos on my phone.

Thereโ€™s just so much unnecessary stuff taking up space.

The problem is, theres so much that I only start doing it…then realize how long itโ€™s gonna take. I become overwhelmed so damn fast and give up.

My eyes will be cross- eyed for days. Plus I SWEAR Iโ€™ve deleted half these pictures already before…

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Talking shit vs. Venting

I explained the difference to my co-worker tonight.

Because we do talk a lot about each other at my job if we get annoyed. Weโ€™re all gonna get on each others nerves, so for me to sit here and be like well I like *you, you and you* so Iโ€™ll never speak about you behind your back would be bullshit. I always emphasize how I really adore the person, but this thing they are doing is getting to me.

Talking shit would be more like โ€œwhat a goddamn lazy twinkle twat, who smells like rotting milk all the timeโ€

(Idk, winged that one fast. judge away)

Getting a lil irked with someone you like and enjoy being around is a thing. Weโ€™re only human.

BUT. Talking shit IS, going around telling my co workers that Iโ€™m not capable of doing the job I was hired for….simply because you went on the same interview and didnโ€™t get it. Blame it on the other chick who got hired and never came back after covid. Smh.

If I am always nice to you, donโ€™t be running your mouth. Because now Iโ€™m not letting you come up front and put on your lame, โ€œtrendyโ€ hipster, indie rock music. And I will pretend I donโ€™t know how to check you in or take your temp. when you walk in the building. Everyoneโ€™s on an ego trip since my two supervisors left. I love Meg, whoโ€™s the new one (sheโ€™s the one I was venting to) but these other little twerps are starting to get on my nerves.

Cause sweetie, Iโ€™m not venting about you anymore. Iโ€™m talking shit.

stay. in. your. lane

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Itโ€™s pretty wild

How fast I go from caring WAYY too much.. to honestly not really caring at all.

Iโ€™ve always weirdly been that way. Itโ€™s how I used to trick psychiatrists and therapists I was a changed kid.

*See guys, look how long it took me to realize I have to act like a saint for just a month after acting like a little lunatic for 8 months*

But now Iโ€™m realizing itโ€™s always kinda pertained to a lot of other random situations in my life. The way my personality is I suppose.

Iโ€™m all in. until Iโ€™m all out.

Thereโ€™s no middle with me. The middle is confusing. Usually messy also. I donโ€™t care for it.